“When we eliminate the unhappy, we are left with nothing but happiness.” – Unknown

Oh how I wish I could remember where I first heard this powerful statement so I could properly credit the person who completely changed my perspective with these words.

Happiness. How many of us are on this chase for happiness?

I think often it’s easy for us to feel like we are alone in our struggles. This social media world we live in makes the life of others look perfectly like what we want, but don’t have. We see the “happiness” that surrounds us and wonder why can’t I have that same feeling of happiness?

But what if, instead of chasing happiness we stopped for just a second to truly see the blessings in our lives.

What if, we eliminated all the things in our life that brought us dread, anxiety and unhappiness?

What would we be left with in the end?

It’s the power of elimination.

And if you haven’t figured it out yet—if you said no to all the things that brought you worry, stress, unhappiness, and eliminated those things, people, places, or wrong “yeses” from your life—in the end you would be left with all the things that make you happy and bring you joy.

You would have the space and energy to see the many blessings you already have in your life.

Is your mind blown yet? Because mine was when this finally made sense in my fickle-human mind.

I became determined to look at life differently. I could play the victim and see the happiness in everyone else’s life or I could take the time to say NO to the things that brought me anxiety and open up the space for all the people, places and things in my own life.

1. So I made a list.

On the left side, I wrote everything in my life bringing me happiness right now in this season.

On the right, I wrote everything—places, people, things—that brought me dread and anxiety.

(NOTE: for the sake of this example and the privacy of names, I kept this example very broad. But I encourage you to dig really deep into the people, places, and commitments that bring you anxiety, worry, stress, unhappiness, etc. Be specific.)

2. Eliminate the unhappy

Then, I went through the unhappy column and I circled everything I could eliminate right now. What meetings could I cancel from my calendar? What volunteer commitments could I say no to? What activities were taking up valuable time, but that just weren’t filling my cup up?

Once you’ve made a plan to eliminate those items immediately, next look at what you have left and create a game plan how you can eliminate those too.

If I were to show you my example from a year ago items on my unhappy list included—my corporate job, meetings with Nancy, driving in the snow, waking up and going straight to work instead of spending time in prayer and writing, our infertility journey and the list goes on and on.

3. Make a game plan to immediately eliminate what you can

I began to cancel all meetings with Nancy or let my boss know that I needed support in those meetings from her. I worked from home on the days that it snowed. And I began waking up an hour earlier just to spend time in prayer before getting ready for work. But the big two that I knew I couldn’t change immediately were quitting my corporate job and our infertility journey.

Both of these were things not necessarily in my control. But I could change my mindset around them.

4. Dig into personal development for long-term elimination

So I began to dig into more personal development to learn what it was I truly wanted to do with my career. Who I wanted to serve and the purpose burning in my heart. Three months later, I put in my three-month notice to my boss whom I adored to a job that was a dream because I knew those were the steps I needed in order to eliminate that unhappiness.

As for our infertility journey, I went to the doctor for our first round of answers. And in that season, I learned that answers weren’t what I needed most, but rather grace. I needed to give myself more grace. I needed to be patient. And I needed to understand that His timing is always greater than our own.

At the end of this exercise, what do you think I was left with?

Happiness.

I spent more time being grateful and present with the things on the left side of my list then complaining or crying about the things on the right. And I began to realize that I had complete control over how I responded to the things on my unhappy list.

But if we don’t slow down from the hustle and bustle of our life, and truly look at how to eliminate the unhappy from our lives, we will only feel the weight of it all.

5. Gratitude and Reflection

We need to be grateful and fully present in order to see the blessings and happiness already filling our cup. It’s time to flip the mindset around what everyone else has that you don’t, and instead look at the beautiful blessings right in front of you.

Now, I want to be so transparent in that this mindset shift doesn’t mean you will never feel unhappy, broken or less than ever again. This is not a quick fix or a “happily ever after” ending.

But I fully believe it teaches us something about ourselves. It shows the power of gratitude and being present in the moment. And it 100% shows the power of saying NO to the things that burden you or the mindset shift you may need to make in order to see the blessings in the hard season.

Infertility is something we’ve been struggling with for two years. This exercise didn’t give me the answers to our infertility problems, but it provided me the grace, clarity and understanding in what our next steps should be when the timing is right. The fact that we don’t have a little Wild child running around doesn’t bring me happiness, but it’s given me the power to give myself grace. To lean on God more and more. And to know that through the brokenness we become more of the person we were created to be.

So today I want to challenge you to eliminate the unhappy. I want to challenge you to create your own happy vs. unhappy list and begin to say no to the things you can immediately eliminate from your life.

Focus on gratitude and saying no and love I promise you will see the blessings in disguise.

YOUR TURN

Did this exercise blow your mind? I would love to hear in the comments below if you wrote out your happy vs. unhappy list. What items surprised you most that you wrote in your happy or unhappy columns? Tell me all about this experience as I believe your entire life can change through this perspective.

*Featured Image by Bethanne Arthur Photography at the 2018 Creative at Heart Conference